A wise woman once blogged "in order to move ahead, you gotta know where you've come from..."
My relationship with food has never been a normal one. Looking back I think my mother was anorexic. Whenever the were treats in the house you better eat your fill because you never knew when you were going to get it again. This translated into adulthood as me eating everything in the house. It was a long time learning that I could buy whatever I wanted so I didn't have to binge.
Add to the scarcity of food and my mother's failed marriages, a step-father closer to my age then her's, being the care giver for my much younger brother, and my mother's constant "you're fat" " no one will ever want to date you because you're too fat," and you get one unhappy kid with no healthy way to deal with life.
Of course looking back I'd almost kill for the weight I was in high school!!!
Soooooo, married young, hubby was in the Army, still dealing with my mother, and started having babies. After baby #1 the weight fell off! It was awesome!!! Baby #2 came along and the weight just wouldn't leave. Can you still call it baby weight when your baby is 15?!
It's funny how family members will talk to you when you become an adult, I discovered that depression runs in the family. Lots of things make sense now! So yes I have also learned to deal with depression, I ate... boredom, I ate... loneliness from hubby working long hours, I ate... evidently I also have some anxiety, so yes I ate...
I have always run to some extent. I went to my family doctor and she advised me to exercise more. Really!? I was already out there running most days of the week, there was no way I could do more!
June of 2009, hubby was gone on an extended job assignment, the teens were busy with what they had to do, things sucking at our church, friendship department sucking, so I ate and ate and ate. Hubby was gone for 5 months and in the last 2 months that he was gone I gained 30 pounds!!! It hurt to bend over and tie my shoes, I was winded walking up our stairs, I was having anxiety attacks, and some very dark thoughts.
When hubby came home I told him EVERY thing. I don't normally open up like that and he usually has to just wait me out, but this time I laid it all out. He said whatever it was I wanted to do we would do it, he's always been like that...
On my 29th birthday when I said, "I'm going to run a marathon by my 30th birthday," he said "ok, let's figure out a training plan!" When I freaked out that in 4 years I was going to turn 40 and kid #1 was going to graduate high school and the next was the following year, I said "I need to go back to school." Hubby said "go into aviation it's what you have always loved." I am so unbelievably BLESSED!!! Praise and thank you Father!!!!
Ok, so where was I??? Oh yes... some friends of mine had been seeing a naturopath for weight loss. I went to see her and did a course of hcg. It really helped break the addiction of white stuff, sugar, flour, rice, etc. I learned what a person should eat and how bad some "foods" really are. Finally! I made the nutrition connection!!!
Through this journey I have had to deal with things as they come and not self medicate with food. When disappointments happen, I have to find other ways than food to deal with my emotions. When anxiety hits, I have to turn to something else other than food. It's working so far.
I am so happy with the past year and the accomplishments I have made. What are those you ask? I've lost 70 pounds, I am consistently eating healthy, I don't miss soda or junk food, and my running has never been better!!! I'm running faster than before, I can run a 1/2 marathon on any weekend I choose (actually I've been doing that distance every weekend for quite sometime now), and I'm currently training for a 50K!
It's good to reflect on the past. We must always remember the past so we do not repeat it, well the bad parts anyway.