Sunday, October 16, 2011

To settle is a choice or you can choose to run after your dreams.

I am having a crisis of identity.  Who am I?  I am a wife and a mom.  More recently I’ve been more comfortable calling myself a runner.  But WHO am I?  I mean when the kids go off to college and hubby is at work, who AM I?

Well, I am a student. I went back to school to prepare for the day when my little chickens would fly the coop.  That day is very near and my crisis has started to fully manifest itself. When I went back to school I figured that the logical outcome would be a degree and a full-time career.  I recently walked for my graduation and then decided to finish two more classes to complete two minors.  It really makes sense but am I delaying?  Could be… but I think I have decided that I do not really want a career.  A job yes but a career maybe not.

More years ago than I’d like to think about I took flying lessons.  I actually soloed fixed wing and it was amazing, at least I think it was, my memory is going since I’m so old. About 16-17 years ago I was studying for my LTA (lighter than air) license, that was a ton of fun, but I missed many things about fixed wing. 

I have heard that once a pilot always a pilot, just some pilots are current and some are not.  So am I pilot that is not current?  Maybe… yes.

Part of the deal with me going back to school was that I earned my private pilot’s license.  My hubby was very insistent on this.  I always seemed to find one reason or another not to.  I would say, “okay! I’m going to do it!”  And then I’d find another reason not to.  I have always used money as an excuse but I think I’m really just nervous about making that commitment.  I think I am scared to pursue that dream of so long ago.  What if I’m not that person anymore and I make a $10,000 mistake? 

If I never try, I’ll never know.

The first step is getting a medical exam.  I scheduled that appointment.  Maybe I am a pilot after all who just isn’t current but is working on that.

“So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” – Already Gone performed by the Eagles for their 1974 album On the Border.

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